Memories are Forever
by RachXO
Summary: Holding on can be just as difficult as letting Go. character death.


One shot

Disclaimer: Don't own the outsiders unfortunately. If I did there would be a million different sequels!

**WARNING: SAD**

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"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

Alexander Graham Bell

"Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go."

unknown

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It was early in the morning and Sodapop Curtis was currently downing his 4th beer. His hands clutched the bottle tightly and he finished it with a large gulp, his eyes squeezed shut.

After throwing the can to the ground he got up from where he was sitting and went into the house pantry and pulled out a palm sized flask.

He could smell the whiskey in it and smiled, a horribly blank and empty smile, eyes unemotional and cold. Not at all like the cheerful and exuberant Soda most people knew him to be.

Ponyboy watched his brother from a corner in the room quietly, sadly.

Pony wanted to speak out but he didn't. he wouldn't dare.

After finishing off the flask Soda reaches out to sturdy himself by gripping on to one of the kitchen chairs. A moment passes and Ponyboy feels so helpless.

Then suddenly, Soda marches out of the kitchen, eyes determined and flaring. Pushing past a silent Ponyboy Soda's angry footsteps can be heard going throughout the quite house.

Pony thinks only for a second, gathering himself.

_Why was the house so quite_?

He could really use some comic relief from Two-bit or hell he'd even prefer Steve's bickering. Ponyboy wishes they would come over so it wouldn't be just them in the empty house; Sodapop could really use some help from his friends.

Remembering the angry look on his brother's haggard face causes Pony to shudder and he can't tell if he prefers the cold look in his brother's eyes, or the searing and furious flare they now had.

Shuffling his feet quickly he follows silently behind Sodapop, not daring to reach out and touch his older brother.

Sodapop enters a bedroom door, and sits heftily down on the bed inside, putting his head in his hands quickly. He slumps into the position his body going still.

Ponyboy hesitates in the doorway, afraid to enter the room. Afraid of his brother.

Sodapop's shoulders begin to shake, and Ponyboy realizes he's crying.

Ponyboy wants so badly to cry with him. But he won't.

Suddenly Soda stands up swiftly going over to my desk and kicks the waste basket beside it across the room.

Angrily he throws the sheets off the bed, tear tracks making their way down his face.

He grabs onto whatever he can and throws it, he overturns things, and heads over to completely thrash everything inside of the closet.

A pile of boxes fall on top of him as he unsteadily tried to rip them down and Soda is suddenly knocked to the ground.

He stares blearily at the contents that fell around him.

Ponyboy now walks in and quietly stands next to his damaged brother. He reaches out to touch him but stops short.

Soda is zoning in on a particular item and Ponyboy recognizes it easily.

After all, it is his.

That's when Ponyboy flashes back to the day he died.

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_Lights were blaring and the glow of the ambulance lit up the dark park. It hadn't been a graceful way to die, but instead a brutal and violent one._

_He had been stabbed 7 times repeatedly by someone trying to steal his wallet while he was out on a late run. The name will later come to trial as Stephen Reece._

_Ponyboy woke up and panicked when he realized that he was covered in blood._

_Confused, Pony stood and looked around at his surrounding, noting he was in a nearby park by his school. _

_Then, to his complete horror, he noticed that he was standing next to his own mangled corpse. He looked down at his bloody face no breath passing between his lips, making sure, before it truly settled in._

_Fear gripped him and he toppled backwards, crawling away from the horrifying sight._

_His body shook immensely and his mind was on full panic. He crawled backwards until he hit the edge of something hard._

_His head instinctively turned to see what he hit and, to his shock, it was a fountain._

_He felt the drowning sensation again from **that** night and colorful images popped into his head._

_He remembered hearing the words the police officer told his older brother the night his parents died and when he heard the life altering words "there's been an accident."_

_He remembered bob's lifeless body as it lay in the park, red liquid pooling underneath him like a wreath._

_His mind flashed back to Johnny's words "there's so much blood" and his burned yet peaceful dying face in that hospital room._

_He remembered the shots that reverberated loudly off of Dallas as he went down with a smile._

_He remembered the look of hatred and murder on the guy who stabbed him and his gauntly face._

_And suddenly… Pony found himself at a strange moment of peace with himself._

_He knew he should be scared and panicked but suddenly he felt completely calm, unaffected by the weird turn of events that shaped the tragedy that was his life._

_Pony thought to himself with wonder, _I always knew it would end like this_ and sat there silently, contemplating his memories **and just about to let go** until his brothers truck barreled down the street and into the parking lot._

_Shouts filled his ears and he knew that this would be hard for his brothers. So hard. _

_His brothers. He loved them so much, and he suddenly no longer felt calm. _

_He wondered if he could be here long, if he could still watch his brothers. _

_If he could, then he would._

_Even as he watched his brothers cry and yell, Soda being held back by a police officer, he made up his mind._

_Seeing his traumatized brothers in such an emotional state both sickened Ponyboy and made him realize— _

_he wasn't ready to let go just quite yet._

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Ponyboy blinked his eyes and focused in on Sodapop's voice.

"Why'd you have to die? It's not fair! You were so goddamn young! Damn it!" Soda yells to the room, looking desperately at the items that used to belong to Ponyboy… Staring at the fallen English theme that now lay in front of him, open and exposed. He wipes at his eyes despretley.

Soda reaches out his hands and picks the theme up softly, staring at the pages and touching where I had written my name.

He smiles so sadly, tears continuing endlessly down his handsome face.

"I miss you. I miss you so much. I wish you were here; I would do anything for you to be here."

There's a brief moment of silence, both brothers realizing the impossiblity of that statement before Soda continues."This is so hard. So hard Pone. Why did you leave me?" Soda pleads desperately to the paper as if Ponyboy were somehow contained within it.

Ponyboy sucks in his breathe and whispers a coarse "sorry" all the while knowing his brother would never hear him. No one would ever hear him. He could never touch or comfort his brother or reach out to him anymore. A sad reality.

Soda's sobs begin to start again but this time they are quite; broken.

Suddenly, to Ponyboy's immense relief, Steve is there.

Steve asses the room and eyes Soda wearily, and then he does what every good friend would. He helps Bring Sodapop back together.

Sitting beside Soda Steve coaxes him into calming down, being the support Soda so desperately needs and Ponyboy can't give. Soda's sobs cease and he opens up, words spilling out of his mouth as he shares his deepest thoughts. He talks about Ponyboy to Steve and tells him how he misses him, about his fears for him, about that night. He Lets out all he's kept inside. Steve takes it all in, wincing at some parts and encouraging Soda at others.

Steve, Darry, Two-bit, and Soda would eventually be able to pick up the pieces with each other's support and although it would never be the same, they wouldn't have to suffer so badly. Ponyboy realizes this as he watches Steve and Soda talk.

After Steve gets Soda to calm down some they begin to look through Ponyboy's stuff, Soda stuffing things back into the boxes carefully and slowly. The tears continue to fall but he isn't in hysterics as he was before.

Soda grabs one of Ponyboy's shirts in his hands, hesitates to put it in the box, and he holds it over his heart and whispers to Steve.

"You know, sometimes I feel like he can still hear me. Like he's still right here with me." Soda gestures to the room, the air around him, and then to his heart.

Steve smiles sadly, his eyes assessing Soda's mentality, smelling the liquor on his breath, judging the extent of the hollow and unshaven face. "Yeah. I know what you mean." And Steve does know.

Steve reaches out and rubs Soda's back as they put the last of Pony's stuff away.

Ponyboy watches with a sense of sadness, happy Steve will be there for his brother, but dejected in the fact he would never get to do the same ever again.

Pony knows Soda going through his stuff was a step in the right direction and he's happy now that his brother was not at all like he was earlier that day.

In fact looking at Soda's face now, Pony can see a little of what used to be of his brother.

Soda and Steve stand and Steve steadies Soda. After they are out of the room and safely planted on the sofa Steve cracks a smile and tells Soda about how Two-bit kept him waiting up because Kathy had some big news.

Two-bit had proposed to his girlfriend Kathy a few months earlier after he had started working a successful job at a car dealership and could finally afford a nice ring. _yes. Two-bit Matthews is working._

Two-bit and Kathy were disgustingly happy and affectionate, but their endless gushing and their happiness brought hope to the group of young men.

Soda looked bewildered at why Steve would bring up this kind of topic. Unless…

At Soda's surprised look Steve smirks and nods his head.

"Are you saying—"Soda begins to question when Steve nods happily and goes

"Yep. Two-bit did the nasty and low and behold knocked the pretty thing up. She's 8 weeks pregnant." He paused and a scowl came across his face. "He's pretty damn happy too. The idiot kept grinning ear to ear." Steve's disgusted look was only a joke and it lightened the air and Ponyboy grinned to himself, chuckling along.

Steve smiled to let Soda know he was serious and that he was happy and suddenly Soda smiled a bright and happy smile. The first real one he has in a very long while.

"That's great news."

Ponyboy looks at Soda on the couch and smiles with him. For the moment, Soda found a bit of happiness. He knows he will have a lot more episodes but as long as they all had each other there was a future, with much more bits of happiness. And one day, Soda will also find himself someone to be head over heels in love with.

Afterall Ponyboy knows, more than ever before, that life moves on.

He also realizes that death moves on as well.

His brothers will never fully get over his death but he knows that they will, in a long while yet, be able to smile and think about him and talk about him. He thinks then of all of the times he shared with his brother's and realizes he can move on as well.

Pony lets a tear escape his eye while a huge grin spreads across his shimmering face. A beautiful shade of light blinds his vision and he lets a happy picture of him and his brothers cross his mind one last time, holding the memories close, and then he fades into his content.

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AHHHH I killed Ponyboy! *grins happily* ….*shot*

I love angsty little one shots! Its currently 3:57 in the morning and I just whipped this story out. Im still wide awake! I need sleeeeep! Ahhh haha

PLEASE review and I will upload more stories like this! I love feedback very much and I love every single one! So please do!

Also if you have any suggestions for any oneshots or stories I would love to hear them in the reviews! Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!

I love you all!

xoRach


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